Employee productivity is directly tied to engagement. And the single biggest factor shaping engagement is the relationship between an employee and their manager.
The problem is, most managers underestimate their influence on engagement and are rarely equipped to use one-on-ones to strengthen it.
“Managers account for at least 70% of variance in employee engagement scores.” — Jim Harter, Gallup
One-on-one meetings, when done well, are one of the most powerful ways to connect with employees, make them feel valued, and boost their motivation. When done poorly, they become another box to check — or worse, a reason people disengage.
“People leave managers, not companies.” — Marcus Buckingham
Here are five common mistakes managers make in one-on-ones, and what to do instead.
Mistake #1: treating one-on-ones like operations reviews
Too often, one-on-ones turn into updates on urgent matters, cross-departmental issues, or productivity fixes. That may be important, but it isn’t the same as understanding how your employee feels about their work, their growth, and their experience on your team.
The solution: separate the meetings.
- Operations reviews are for tasks, deadlines, and course corrections.
- One-on-ones are for connection, listening, and empowering employees.
They don’t need to be weekly or long, but they should stand on their own with the clear purpose of supporting your employee’s engagement.
If you think you don’t have time, remember this: the cost of disengagement is far higher. Gallup estimates disengaged employees cost U.S. companies between $960 billion and $1.2 trillion every year.
Other research shows it can cost six to nine months of an employee’s salary to replace them — not to mention the added stress on a reduced team. The cost is even more severe in industries facing talent shortages.
Key takeaway: Keep operations reviews and one-on-ones separate. Use one-on-ones to check in on the employee’s experience, not just their output.
Mistake #2: not focusing on how the employee should feel
A one-on-one is not about you as the manager. It’s about how the employee feels when they leave the meeting.
Highly engaged employees consistently report feeling:
- Heard and understood
- Valued and supported
- Safe and respected
- Challenged and growing
Think about your own meetings with your manager:
- Do you walk out feeling more empowered, neutral, or discouraged?
- Do you feel listened to and supported, or ignored?
- Do you want your team to feel discouraged, neutral, or empowered when they leave a meeting with you?
Your employees are asking themselves the same questions after meeting with you.
Key takeaway: The goal of a one-on-one is for the employee to leave feeling heard, valued, and empowered. That is the simplest and most effective way to prevent disengagement and turnover.
Mistake #3: asking shallow questions
Opening with “How are you?” usually leads nowhere. Employees often default to “I’m fine,” and the meeting shifts back to business as usual.
The purpose of a one-on-one is to understand how the employee feels about their work and environment, then act to support and empower them. That requires better questions.
Here’s a list you can draw from, with a few must-haves if you only have time for three.
Questions for every one-on-one (must-haves marked):
- [Must-have] What’s been the most enjoyable part of your work lately? Why?
- Follow-up: What’s been the least enjoyable part? Why?
- [Must-have] What were some recent highlights with the team?
- Follow-up: What challenges have you had with the team?
- Do you feel your team has your back?
- Follow-up: Do you feel I have your back?
- What important work are you focused on right now?
- Follow-up: Are you facing challenges? Were you able to count on your team or me for support?
- [Must-have] What challenges have you faced recently at work?
- Follow-up: Were you able to get support from me or your team?
- In your role, what would you like to do more of? Less of?
- Are there any tools or accommodations that would help you be more productive?
- [Must-have] Do you feel I’m available and supportive enough when you need help?
Questions to ask monthly or quarterly:
- What do you spend time on that feels like a waste?
- Follow-up: Who should own this, or what could we change so you don’t have to?
- Is it clear what’s expected of you to earn a raise or promotion?
- Is there anything I committed to doing that I haven’t followed through on?
- (Tip: apologize if needed.)
- Do you get enough feedback from me on your performance?
- If you had a magic wand, what would you change about the team, department, or company?
For employees who are managers:
- What do you enjoy about managing your team?
- Follow-up: What’s most challenging? How can I help with that?
- What accomplishments from your team are you most proud of lately?
- Follow-up: What challenges are they facing? How are you helping them? How can I help you help them?
- Do you have enough time to support your team?
- Follow-up: What could free up more time for you?
The key is not just asking these questions but listening without judgment, following up, and acting on what you hear.
Key takeaway: One-on-ones should go beyond tasks. Ask thoughtful questions that surface how employees feel about their work, team, and growth. Listen carefully and take action.
Mistake #4: getting frequency and duration wrong
Some managers hold weekly one-on-ones regardless of the employee’s needs, while others space them so far apart that issues fester.
A good rhythm is:
- Weekly or bi-weekly for junior employees
- Bi-weekly or monthly for more senior staff and managers
- Monthly or quarterly for senior leaders
Thirty minutes every two weeks is a strong baseline. Leave enough space for work to unfold, but don’t let more than a month pass without checking in. And if something urgent arises, follow up with an ad hoc conversation instead of waiting for the next scheduled meeting.
Key takeaway: Aim for 30 minutes every two to four weeks. Adjust frequency based on seniority and use extra check-ins when needed.
Mistake #5: only showing care during one-on-ones
One-on-ones should not be the only time employees feel your support. Managers who save every observation or concern for these meetings miss opportunities to build trust in the moment.
If you notice a team member stressed, disengaged, or struggling, check in right away — even briefly. Small, timely interactions often prevent bigger problems.
Gallup found that employees who receive daily feedback are three times more likely to be engaged than those who get feedback once a year or less.
Key takeaway: Show employees you care in real time, not just in scheduled meetings. Make check-ins part of your daily leadership.
Conclusion
One-on-ones are not about reviewing tasks or checking a box. They’re about building connection, trust, and engagement.
Employees who believe their manager cares about them as people are more productive, more fulfilled, and more likely to stay. That’s not just good for them — it’s good for your customers and your business.
“Employees who believe that management is concerned about them as a whole person — not just an employee — are more productive, more satisfied, more fulfilled. Satisfied employees mean satisfied customers, which leads to profitability.” — Anne M. Mulcahy, former CEO, Xerox
Now flip the mirror: unless you’re the CEO, you also have a boss. Does your manager make these mistakes? How do you feel after your one-on-ones? More engaged or more disengaged? Would those meetings improve if your boss avoided these mistakes?
There’s no going back to your old ways now that you know how to run meaningful, impactful one-on-ones. Go make a difference for your team. Be a more competent and inspiring manager.
